I lead the music in Sacrament meeting. I really enjoy it, especially when I realize I don't know that words as well as I thought I did, and I just stand there waving my arm like an idiot.
Today, as I was sitting at the top waiting for sacrament meeting to begin, I noticed two rows of faces I didn't know. Then I noticed the baby in the huge white dress. And that is when my heart broke.
It's hard sitting and listening to a baby blessing, wondering if that will ever be you. And then listening to all the family members bear their testimony of what a blessing it is to have this new child in their lives. And as exciting as it is for everyone else, it's the worst place to be when you can't share in that joy.
Even after 5 and a half years, I still can't listen to a baby blessing without falling to pieces. You would think that it's something you would get used to, but it's not. I feel like the more time passes, the harder it is.
I just wish I knew why! I know the Lord has a plan, but I just wish I knew what that was!
1 comment:
I stopped going to the beginning of fast testimony meetings a long time ago. It has always been hard for me too. I wish the pain would go away but it truly magnifies as you get older.
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