Waking Up

Lyla isn't always the biggest fan of having to wake up. She loves her sleep!
Forgive the end of the video, it's a new camera and Daniel didn't know how to stop recording!

The Way I Feel

I read a blog post a couple months back about someone who said they were really good at 'brushing things off and not getting mad'. I've been thinking about that often since I read it, and about myself. One of the problems I have, is that I remember how people make me feel. When someone does or says something to me that makes me feel a certain way, I remember that forever. And it's times when people have made me feel not so good that I have a hard time brushing off.
Some examples:

~When I was in middle school, I told my best friend something very personal about myself and my family. When we were in high school, we drifted apart. One day she came up to me at school in front of my friends, my boyfriend and all of his friends, and blurted out everything that I had told her. I was completely devastated, and it's because of that I learned to not trust people as much.

~ When Daniel and I were first married, I volunteered to make dinner for his family. I made tortellini and a salad. During dinner someone commented that there was no meat in the meal. Totally non judgmental - just a comment, but yet I was horrified. Only because I was so nervous about making dinner for them. I'm sure no one at that table remembers that dinner or even noticed the comment made, but I have never made a meatless dish for them again.

~ A few years ago, when we were newer to our ward, I decided to reach out and invite a family over for dinner. In a very round about way they sad no. I was embarrassed and hurt. Since then, with the exception of one family, we have never invited anyone over again for anything.

~ I had a co-worker tell me once, that because I was seeking help with infertility, I was trying to play god. And in so doing I was being punished by not having children. She also told me that God probably didn't think I would be a good mom, which is why I have no children. The feelings that her continues comments brought to me, is what makes me so insecure today about being a mother.

I have a million examples I could share, but the point is, I haven't been blessed with the ability to forget about those things. But it's not all bad, because I also remember all the times I felt good.
Like the time Daniel's dad gave me a hug for the first time. My father had never given me a real hug before, so that hug from Daniel's dad is one I will never forget. I will also never forget how I felt when I completed my first half marathon, or when Hayley shared her lunch with me in 4th grade. But for some reason, it's the times that made me feel not so good about myself that has molded who I am. But I really wish it didn't!

5 Months

Our little Lyla Anne is 5 months old today. She is a constant joy in our lives, and I feel truly blessed everyday to have her in our family! I know I say that a lot, but when you wait (what feels like) forever for a little miracle, and it finally comes........ you count your blessings everyday!

We never bought an infant tub. We never really saw the point. We just bathed her in the bathroom sink, until the got too big. This was her first time alone in the big tub, and she loved it. She just kicked her legs and splashed water everywhere.

In her new Sunday outfit she got from Grandma for Christmas.

Riding in her stroller for the first time without her car seat. I miss not being able to see her face, but she loved being able to look out at the world!

Lyla on her new Changing Table. This is the first piece of furniture we have bought for her!

'I really want my toy........ I just don't quite know how to get it!'

5 months of growth, all in the same outfit.

Back Porch

Today, Lyla and I spent some time on our back porch. And this is what we saw....

Wild Cats

 Ugly Ducks

 

 A little bridge going over a dry creek

 It was nice being outside and getting some fresh air.

On the Plus Side

So..... we are now back in Tennessee. We chose our apartment by looking online, since we were living in Washington at the time. In fact, that's how we have chosen our last few apartments. We never saw our first Memphis apartment, or the one in Utah and Washington before moving in. We have been lucky to have moved into nice homes in good neighborhoods.
Without going into too much detail, our current apartment isn't what I thought it was going to be. There website was a little deceiving. So now me are in the smallest apartment known to man. Two people can't fit in the kitchen, and you can't turn around in the bathroom with the door open. The appliances are ancient and there is a funky smell wafting around.

But on the plus........ we are only here for 4 months, Daniel graduates in May, we have Lyla in our lives and I found a Saturday job to help with finances. So yes, our apartment is small and smelly, but we have so much more to be thankful for.

Big Move

Last week we made our long journey from Yakima WA to Memphis TN. Daniel had previously driven up with all our stuff and started school. Then he flew back to drive with us so I didn't have to drive the car by myself with Lyla. We had planned on taking 5 or 6 days to drive, but only ended up driving for 4 days. Lyla was an absolute rock star. She stayed awake when she was supposed to be, and took naps when she was supposed to. She slept amazingly in the hotels, and was mostly a pretty happy baby. 

We made it through 10 states, 2268 miles, snow, ice, rain and sun. I sure feel blessed to have made it safely and with a happy Lyla. 

 Nothing but roads ahead

Excited to get a whole King sized bed to herself. 

 Happy to finally be at home!

Blessed

Since Lyla was born, Daniel has always been the one to put her to bed. He gives her her last feeding of the night so I can go to bed early, and then he puts her down for the night. 

When Daniel left for Memphis, I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to get her to sleep like he does. I have come to realize that we have been blessed with a great sleeper. She sleeps for 8 hours before needing to eat, and then will sleep for another 2 more hours. 

I believe I also owe it to the SwaddleMe wrap. When her arms are free, she wakes herself up, so we have to tie them down. This is how she sleeps every night. (any pictures seen with her arms out, is during a nap)

So I am blessed to have a great sleeper so I can get the rest I need to survive while Daniel is gone.

Something to say

She was supposed to be taking a nap, but after doing this for the past hour, I just had to laugh.

0-3

Lyla is officially out of her newborn clothes. I was devastated when I packed away her preemie clothes a few months ago, but now I think I'm okay with her growing. She is becoming a little lady and her personality is starting to show threw.
She is now wearing 0-3, but as you can tell by her rolled up pants that she will be in them for a while. I just love the girl she is becoming!

Strange

Daniel left early this morning in a Budget truck headed for Memphis. Right now our room consists of an air mattress and suitcase. The shower is lined with travel sized toiletries. The freezer is packed with frozen meals. And I have a daughter in my arms who depends on me to keep it together. 

Over the years of infertility, I heard many cruel and stupid comments from people. One being - that maybe this was the Lords way of telling me that I shouldn't be a mother. That He knew I wouldn't be a good mother. 

As we loaded up the truck yesterday, those thoughts came back to me. I was going to be left for 10 days to take care of Lyla by myself. What if I couldn't do it? What if I completely fall apart? It's only been a few hours since he left, and I already feel lost. I should have known I'd have to deal with my insecurities at some point. Just didn't think it would be so soon!

Lyla sleeping on her cradle mattress next to my air mattress. Did someone say slumber party?