I often think about the struggles Daniel and I went through before Lyla came. The hope, fear, sadness, confusion, anger and anxiousness we felt for so many years has been replaced with joy and happiness.
It was Jan 2nd, 2012. I went to the hospital really early before work for some tests. Tests to determine if I was pregnant. I had called my Dr and asked that they contact Daniel with the blood results. I knew if the results were bad, I was going to fall apart, and I didn't want to do that at work. This was our 4th attempt at IVF, and it's hard to get excited when you are used to failed results. I went through the day with a knot in my stomach. I knew better then to get excited. The more hopeful you feel, the harder it is when it fails.
When the day was over, I got in my car and broke down into tears. I cried (actually it was more like balling) and prayed all the way home. I prayed not for a positive result, but for the strength to go on if it was a negative. The last failed attempt, I had completely lost myself, and I didn't want to feel that again. I needed the Lords to help me through this this time. I pulled into our parking lot and sat in the car for 20 mins, too afraid to go inside. I just sat there crying and praying. When I finally went inside, Daniel was sitting on the couch and without hesitation he broke into a huge smile and said "You're pregnant!" I dropped everything in my hands and ran over to him and jumped into his lap. I kept saying "Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh..." over and over as we hugged, laughed and cried together.
In the back of my mind, I was afraid to get too excited. It seemed too good to be true, and I was sure something was going to go wrong. I took pregnancy tests weekly just to make sure that it was real. I think I ended up taking close to a dozen tests. I was so sure something was going to go wrong. I was 14 weeks pregnant before we told family, and 17 weeks before we started to tell friends. When you are used to hearing 'No', it's hard to believe when it's finally a big fat YES!!
Before I was pregnant, I was always bothered by people who would complain about their pregnancy on Facebook or church. Complaining about being tired or nauseous, heartburn etc... I would always say to myself, 'If you don't like being pregnant, I'll gladly trade places with you.' I'm pretty sure the Lord heard every time I said that. I could hear Him laughing and saying, "You asked for it", because when I was pregnant I got every single possible symptom times 10, including being hospitalized 4 times for kidney stones. But I never complained, because my throwing up was just a reminder that I was pregnant. And even though I was sick, I loved being pregnant and feeling my little girl move around. I would never trade those months.
My brother Chris and his family (Alyssa and Hudson) came to visit.
Even though it took 7 years for Lyla to join our family, it feels like she has always been with us. The joy of having her in our lives takes away all the pain that we felt before. As hard as it was, I wouldn't take away those years. I feel like I am stronger for it, and Daniel and I have been able to grow and strengthen our marriage and work out all the kinks before starting a family. I am so grateful for our little girl and the strength she had to make it, when other attempts didn't.
No comments:
Post a Comment